


Ineffable Thieves - The theft

by Lokisbur



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, Stupid heads?, funny?, soft?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-16 20:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21042401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokisbur/pseuds/Lokisbur
Summary: What if,,,, I steal the Antichrist,,, and start parenting with my 6000 y/o crush?,, jk,,,,,,,,,, unless,,,,,,,A little "what if?" story to get out (or get in) of my basic and complicated Ineffable Series.





	Ineffable Thieves - The theft

**Author's Note:**

  * For [@notrightclint (Twitter)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%40notrightclint+%28Twitter%29).

> This story was made possible thanks to one of my twitter friends who came up with that after I gave them ideas that didn't fit his.

After Crowley was given the antichrist, he took his car to go to the rendezvous point. But why him? Why did it have to be him? 

The car was going so fast and the radio was blaring some of the usual mixed songs, like it has been in hell for too long. 

"_ fuckfuckfuck _" said the demon between his teeth. 

He knew it was time, they only had 11 years or so before the end of the world and the moment the little baby at the back of car will choose between Hell and Heaven. Eleven years, for a being as himself and Aziraphale, eleven years was nothing, a drop of water in the ocean. 

"Call Aziraphale" 

"_ the person you are trying to contact is not available for the moment _" 

Oh, yeah, he crushed some of the city's antenna earlier this day, so impossible to contact the angel. 

The black Bentley continued her race up to a little village with a phone box, in front of which she stopped making an awful lot of noise. Her driver get out and rushed to the phone and snapped his fingers and took the phone. 

"Aziraphale, we need to talk" he clearly was out of breath 

"..." 

"What? No! I'm not hurt, listen…" 

"..." 

"I what? Yes, I did cut the satellite lines but…" 

"..." 

"AZIRAPHALE! JUST, LISTEN TO ME!" finally screamed the demon "It's the Antichrist, they gave me. The. Antichrist. And I'm supposed to deliver him to an hospital. But what am I supposed to do?" 

"..." 

"No, no, I can't, I can't let them fight over the kid and make him choose a side he doesn't know anything about." 

"..." 

"WH-WHAT??? AZIRAPHALE NO! It's just a kid, he didn't do anything wrong, why would I kill him?" 

"..." 

"Ok ok, I'll decide by myself then. You're **really **useful you know." 

The demon hang up. Of course from where we were it was impossible to hear the entirety of the conversation, but what was clear was that the demon had to choose a course of action, and obviously not a simple one. 

He came back to the car and slammed the door then his head on the wheel. Everything was silent except for Crowley, who was clearly talking to himself but some ununderstandable thing. After a while he stopped, but stayed in this position. Suddenly, a little noise, a nice noise of a little being, discovering the world, who soon turned into a scream of hunger. 

Crowley turned back, looked at the crying boy; he clearly couldn't leave him alone, a poor little creature, as sweet as the stars and the animals he created back then, full of life and hope and future. He took the child and snapped a full and hot baby bottle right in his hand. 

"There you go kiddo" he said, giving the milk to the little one "I cannot take you to the hospital you know, I can't give you a human family, you won't understand what your life is about." 

How can a demon be that soft?, you will ask, but you have to know that Crowley wasn't any ordinary demon, he was a creator before being a demon, he was a being of pure light, pure thoughts and full of imagination. He helped creating creatures that the humans don't know about anymore, so of course, if you have a soft spot for a creature like Charyb and Scilla, you will have one for the Antichrist. 

After the baby was fed and asleep, the demon took him at the front of the car to keep an eye on him and headed to the location he knew would be best for them. 

\-----------------------------

Aziraphale was enjoying a nice cup of cocoa with his newly illustrated version of the Winnie the Pooh collection when the phone suddenly rang. It was quite unusual for this time of day, but he nonetheless took the old vintage and white phone to his ear. 

"Yes? Azira Fell here." 

"..."

"Crowley!? Are you hurt?? Is it bad? Do I need to come?" 

"…" 

"Thank the Heaven, since I couldn't contact you on your phone I thought something happened to you but in the same time it's also like you to cut every phone connection between them since you're a bit off the edge sometimes" 

"…" 

"Oh I knew it! It's really mean of you to do stupidities like that, I already told you times and times before all those 6000 years that-" 

"AZIRAPHALE! JUST, LISTEN TO ME!" shouted the phone "..." 

"Do your job and bring it to the hospital." 

"..." 

"Kill it then." 

"..." 

"Crowley, I don't know either. Our arrangement is about letting the earth as balanced as possible, this thing will automatically unbalanced it, so or we get completely rid of it, or we let things go as planned by the Almighty." 

".. ."

"Was I really-" phone tune "helpful?" 

Aziraphale sighed, he did panic there and possibly said horrible things, never Crowley will forgive him. He really liked the demon, not only because he, an angel, was a being of love, but because he reminded him of Heaven and how nice and cozy things were before. 

He decided to forgot about the incident and just enjoy his books. 

About an hour later, a loud tire screeching got off in front of his shop and less than a second later, four loud knocks made the door tremble. 

"Aziraphale !! It's me, Crowley" 

"Crowley!?" the angel rushed to the door and opened it "aren't you supposed to deliver the Antichrist?" 

"I didn't," he said, rushing inside the shop. 

"You whAat!??" 

"I didn't. Delivered. The. ANTICHRIST !" 

Crowley didn't quite pay attention to the angel, he didn't quite pay attention to anything actually, except some blanket and the couch. 

The shop was really nice, made entirely of wood and exuded the nice smell of books. The back room had a nice wooden desk, a cosy fireplace and a nice set of couch and chairs. The demon came on the last one to place one of the blanket on the couch in a kind of nest and softly put the baby in it and ended the little ritual by covering him with the other blankets. 

He paused for a second. 

"Crowley?" 

He sat on the couch, still staring at the little being and cuddled his plumpy cheek. 

"Crowley!" 

He turned back at the angel. 

"Crowley dear, why did you keep the Antichrist? Why did you came here with it? Do you want to put us in danger?" 

Demon looked down, without a word. 

"I'm being serious here! If They learn about that we will be in deep trouble. There will be NO. WAY. we will be safe ever again. They're going to make me fall, torture you, or **worse** , make **me** burn in hellfire and put **you** in holy water." the angel stopped for a second, taking back his breath "we will die Crowley, and for what? Because we stole the Antichrist for absolutely no reason except that we didn't wanted any side to win."

"Aziraphale,,," murmured the demon

"They won't let us go like that you know" 

"Aziraphale, please." a bit louder 

"This thing will be our DOOM!" 

"AZIRAPHALE STOP IT!" he finally shouted 

Aziraphale was too shook this time to answer anything and just stares at his friend; which had now tears in his eyes. 

"Aziraphale, I **know** all that OK!?" Crowley said angrily " **I know** I've made the biggest mistake ever by bringing him here but-" his voice cracked. 

He looked back at the sleeping baby, so pure and unaware of what the celestial being just did. 

"I just-" tears was now dripping from his eyes "I just couldn't let him there, I couldn't bring him to a family who wouldn't have known how to properly take care of him, a family that won't understand his powers, no matter how much they'll love him, they'll end up hurting him."

He was now fully crying. Aziraphale sat at his side and put a hand on his back. 

"You saw what happened to Jesus, you know how cruel humans can be, you saw what the-" he pointed at the sky "did to all those people with Noah and the Arch. All those kids, dead, for no reason." 

He turned back to Aziraphale and took his hands. 

"Please tell me you understand why I did that." 

The angel sighed "I- I do, Crowley, I do."

"This kid, this little baby boy, he holds so much power, so much hope, so much kindness and brightness that even all the stars I created wouldn't seem as bright and beautiful as him. He has all the uncertainty of the tomorrows and all the possibilities of the future, and I don't want to see all that shatter at the moment he's eleven just because of some stupid war between two sides."

He paused, looking at his angelic friend. He always was here, at every moment of his life, in every steps he took, he was the one who reminded him of before, before his fall. That's why he came to him, that's why he needed his help. 

A little cry, the demon took the baby in his arms, lulling him until he calmed down and fell back asleep. 

"He also makes me remember of myself, you know." he murmured "newly born and young, but with a great work ahead; torn apart between two sides which doesn't want him, but both needing him. It's a complicated life where you don't have any friends, any backup, and yet you're here and have to survive and live up to people's expectations." he sighed, a soft and sad sigh. 

"Crowley, you _ do _ have a friend." 

The demon looked at the angel with a sad but loving smile. 

"I know, Angel, I know. And that's also why I want to give this little guy one too." 

"Well, if we are about to keep him, we should give him a name, don't you think?" 

_ Him _ . Aziraphale just said _ him _ about the child and not _ it _ as he always did before. 

"Aziraphale,,," 

"What about Adam? If he's about to end everything, it would be great for him to have the name of the one who started it all. At least on the masculine side" 

Crowley let go of a tear, "yes, yes it's perfect. Thank you so much for being here angel" 

The angel stood up and moved towards the little kitchen. 

"Cup of tea?" 

The demon didn't answered, so the angel took it as a yes and prepared two nice cup of tea like only him was able to make. As he came back to the couch to give one of them to the demon, he noticed he wasn't there anymore so he ran a bit to face it. And it was with a little surprise that he saw Crowley, asleep on the couch, with Adam on him. 

He let go of a smile, never he would've thought that his demon would be so soft for a baby and look so beautiful while sleeping. He put the cups on the little table and gently covered his two babies with a nice blanket and decided to create a room for the little one to sleep and well, maybe an entire flat even. 

"The room first" murmured Aziraphale. 

He climbed upstairs, and wasn't it another surprise that his basic little room (that he never used and was just for appearances) was much bigger and with a corner filled with baby toys, clothes and else. 

"Oh, Crowley, I already told you not to do that without asking me" murmured the angel "I like having my stuff where I want it to be" 

He still took a look at the new stuff and at the moment he took a Teddy bear in his hands, he felt, he felt it; the bright tickling of when you touch something created by God. 

And you know what that means, all those things never were created by Crowley, but by God. The Almighty actually came and gave them everything they needed to take care of Satan's son. How was that possible, how would they actually **care** about such a child? 

"Well, God, thank you for the gifts. I-I wasn't expecting it at all, but it's a huge relief that we won't have to look for all that." 

Everything they needed was here, so nothing was stopping him now to put the two sleepy noodle to bed here. After a snap, they all were in pyjamas and the two already sleeping in the bed. The temptation of going in bed too was really strong now, temptation stopped by a grumble. 

"Angel? You have a bed?" 

"I uuh, yes!" 

Crowley turned a bit, moving the kid out of his chest onto the bed. 

"Come in then, it's your bed, don't be the only one **not** in it." 

"But,, are you,, are you sure about that?" 

"Angel, you're the one having difficulties with accepting what we're doing, except that if you want to help your brain process the information of the day, you have to sleep. So hop on you idiot."

Neither one nor two, the angel slipped into the bed and placed himself in a spoon pos

"If anyone asks about why I came in, it's because you're a demon and you tempted me okay?" 

"Ngk, uh, yeah, ok. Temptation's my stuff." grumbled Crowley, half-sleeping.

After a little while, the light automatically turned lower and lower to finally be off but without any sign of anyone doing such a thing. 


End file.
